the tired momma

I am a mom to 3 under 3.  

Henry is 3.

Leena is almost 2.

& Benny 4 months.

I work full time from home doing Medical Billing.

I also have all my womanly duties. ;) 

jk, I don't view them as that, but I like to have the house clean, dishes done, laundry folded and put away by the time Chase (my husband) walks through the door.

We are in the middle of buying a townhome in PG, and the thought of packing right now is sending my BP through the roof

Today was Henrys Birthday. 

Today I lost my cool too many times to count.
My husband may have received a snap that looked like this... with the caption of
"this is what your children get to deal with today"

I was "that mom" or what I call "Monster Mom".

I was Monster Mom on Henry's 3rd birthday. 

I got mad when Henry threw fits, I got mad when Leena wanted snuggles.

I was bugged that Benny wanted to eat every hour, on the hour. (babies, right?)

It wasn't until I had 3 tiny humans screaming at me, that I realized I was the problem.

That is when I put work on hold, and decided to be a mom.

Fed Benny, and put him down for a nice nap.

Snuggled Leena, and put her down for a nice nap.

Build choo choo tracks with Hen.

They turned me back into normal, fun, nice mom.

Needless to say, I am EXHAUSTED.  Today was a day where I felt as though someone had drained the life out of me. 

I am running on empty and just don't have much more to give. 

Now, I am not saying this to get pity, or "woe as me".

Motherhood can be draining, It can be hard, who am I kidding... It is always hard! 

with that being said...

IT IS SO WORTH IT!

Keep pushing through. You are doing just fine. 

To the Mama who is up at 2am feeding her baby- It gets easier. Your babe will sleep through the night, and you'll feel like a new woman.  

To the Mama who is pumping/breastfeeding and feels like a slave to her boob... - good luck, I feel your pain. haha! I wish I could say it gets easier.. maybe I should say your child will thank you. yadda yadda yadda..  just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

To the Mama at the grocery store with a few kids in tow, trying to keep a smile on her face despite what her children are doing.- It gets better, hang in there.

To the Mama who is literally drained- You are a rockstar, take some ZZZQuil tonight- you earned it. 

To the Mama who is self conscience- STOP IT! Your body is gorgeous and perfect just the way it is. You grew a tiny human... MIRACLE!  Now stop beating up on yourself for having tiger stripes and a few extra squishy areas.

To the Mama who is yelling at her kids for being kids- Tomorrow brings a new day. A clean slate. A day to react differently.

To the Mama who has it all together, clean house, happy kids, etc... - Way to go!! You deserve to feel like a freaking Godess... you are! 

Just remember to soak up the good moments, and the not so good. It does get easier. 

h.e.double.hockey.sticks,  I blinked and Henry is now 3. 

Embrace that chaos and keep going!

xoxo-the tired momma

Benny's Birth Story

Where to even begin??
Benny's pregnancy was miserable.... enough for me to not want to be pregnant ever again...(half joking).

The round ligament pain/ hip pain/ lightening crotch/ heart burn from hell/ need I go on?
oh ya... High Blood Pressure... surprise!

I felt like the crankiest/worst mom to Hank and L.

My BP spiked around 18-20 weeks, and I was doing 24 hour urine tests/blood tests/NST's round the clock.  My lab work would come back borderline each time.

My Dr's had told me to plan on delivering around 37 weeks due to possible preeclampsia. I was not too happy about this because I did NOT want a Christmas baby.

December 17- I woke up with a dull persistent headache, and my BP was hovering around 160/100 all day.  I had left a message for my OB and they had called back saying head to L&D just to be safe.
I waited for Chase to get home, so he could be with the kiddies, and I headed in. I was there for a good 5-6 hours.  Benny was looking great, my lab work came back borderline yet again. Dr. Wolsey wanted me to come back in tomorrow for a NST at Maternal Fetal Medicine, do another 24 hour urine test on Sunday, labwork Monday, Office visit Tuesday, & NST at Maternal Fetal Medicine Thursday.

HOLY COW! Little Ben was already taking over my schedule.  Thank heavens for my mom who loves watching my kids, right? What on earth would I do without her?

December 18- NST looked great
December 21- Lab work came back fine.
December 22- Dr. apt with Dr. Wolsey. My BP was back down to 115/66. He said we will set up an induction for Jan 8 (39 weeks).  I may have shed a few tears on the way home for reasons stated below.
December 23- STRESSFUL day for preggo me.  Chase's company switched Insurance Companies Jan 1.  The new Insurance company is not contracted with IHC.  IF I didn't deliver Benny by Dec 31, I would have to transfer my care up to Valley OB in Lehi, and deliver at The Medical Point Hospital.

December 24 (Christmas Eve)- NST with Maternal Fetal Medicine at 8am.  I woke up with a dull headache, super nauseous (so I didn't eat), took a warm tub (shaved my legs!!), and headed in.  My BP was up and Benny was having decels.  Dr. Schemmer came in and said, hang tight, I am going to have Dr Rees (who was on call) come down and come up with a plan.  A few moment later, Dr. Rees came down, and said pick a day and we will get you induced. I said what's the earliest? & He said lets go upstairs and get things going!

I never wanted a Christmas baby... but man was I done being pregnant! & I really didn't want to chance something go wrong and not be able to have the baby at UVRMC.  I called Chase, he dropped the kids off at my parents, and dropped our car off at the dealership (our power steering went out the day before.) Chase's parents dropped him off at the hospital.

9:45- admitted, iv put in (first iv blew my vein, so I ended up with a hand iv)
10am-started pitocin/antibiotics.
12pm- Dr. Rees broke my water
1pm- got epi (if i'm paying for it, I will be in no pain ;) )
2pm- got some zofran due to nausea from epi
4pm- spiked a 104.3 fever. put on oxygen & 2 other antibiotics (they think the amniotic fluid caught an infection)
5:20 pm- dialated to a 10! Benny was posterior (face up)
5:21pm- Dr. Rees turned Benny, and out he came.... NO PUSHING, NO TEARING, NO STITCHES! 3rd time's a charm... right? ;) haha!

He was 7lbs 11 oz, 20.5 inches long. born at 36.6 weeks.

Merry Christmas to us! I was no longer pregnant!! wahoo!

Benny's sugars would not stay up the first couple days. Poor kid was poked every hour.  They need to be above 40, and he hung around 40, then dropped to 28, 36, back up to 40.  Had he had one more drop, he would've been put in the NICU. I wouldn't change a thing about how/when he came. So so happy.  He is such a sweet/happy boy! We are all so in love with him!

 this is from the first iv that blew my vein... this is my arm today. 10 days postpartum. ouchie!

Now to adjust to having 3 kiddos... I think we're up for the challenge! having a work from home job is a HUGE plus!  Tomorrow Jan 4, is the first day Chase will be going back to work.  wish me luck! Fingers crossed my baby blues are done with.  That first week after giving birth, I cry at absolutely nothing, and yet everything at all.  I feel like a crazy person.  I literally give Chase a warning and then cry it out.  GAH! I hate feeling like a crazy women.  Babies... they're worth it! & now to lose the weight. When I went in to have him, I was 285 (yikes!), 1.5 weeks postpartum I am down to 262. (I swell real bad when pregnant, and lose the swelling pretty quick!)

& Benny is a little yellow.  His bili levels were normal when we left the hospital, and then spiked a few days later.  He has already become a lot less yellow.  His Dr. is keeping an eye on it, and we will recheck Friday.

Happy New Year to you all!

going private-

I have been thinking about making my blog private for quite sometime now.  & I finally just did it.  I post so many pictures of my sweet lil babes, and don't really want everyone having free access.  Maybe I am paranoid... comes with the job.

So if you are reading this... It means you made the cut. ;) haha

I just made a goal to blog at least once a week.
I doubt it will happen, but it's what I am aiming for!

That is all for now- goodnight.
Here is a picture of my lil people... I may be completely obsessed.